"Cake Ache"

There's a programme on the telly
It's called 'The Walking Dead'
In truth I've never seen it
It has to be said.
But now I've genuinely seen it
With my very own eyes
Cook, cook and cook more, Eddie
His eyes rolling to the sky.
There's this thing called 'revenge'
It's a dish best served cold
All because he didn't eat cake
A mistake one year old.
Slaving in the kitchen
My sister cracking the whip
Poor old Eddie
Just wants to lie down and kip!
Time to carve the turkey
Have you done the sprouts
Have you done the carrots
Is all she barks and shouts.
Christmas should be peaceful
A time to relax and rest
But he's too scared to do that
Here comes the turkey breast.
Eddie's come from his daughter
With a huge tray of macaroni cheese
The silly man thought that would be enough
To sit down and rest as you please.
Get to work on that stuffing
Slice up that plantain
Next are the yummy yum yams
So true 'no pain, no gain'.
Not long now we're all arriving
Is this what they mean by Christmas cheer
Poor old Eddie's hardly got the energy
To crack open a tin of beer.
As we tackled the food mountain
We held our breath with cake on his plate
As...YES! Eddie's finally redeemed himself
By spooning it down a year too late!

Dulwich Poet 26th December 2017

(Last year on Christmas Day my sister's partner couldn't manage any of her home made cake. I wrote a poem about it. Here's the '2017 revenge' poem!)