"Dave the Brave"

A mate of mine's just killed himself
An old mucker called Dave
Ending it all under a train
The way I one day crave.
Inside I'm hurting
More than I thought I would
All because he's done
What he felt he should.
I certainly didn't expect it
And I've had a little cry
But on the plus side it's confirmed to me
The way I'll choose to die.
I've so little in my life
Yet so much to achieve
If Dulwich Hamlet disappear
Contemplating my leave.
In truth....not much in my life
Only a handful I can call a friend
I've never felt I'm normal
While never round the bend.
If I could cope with no more Hamlet
I could attempt to sort out my life
But normality's never been me
Hiding my inner strife.
Westie you've scared me
Of what the future might hold
Part of me envies you
On that mortuary slab cold.
We never agreed politically
You had a bit too much hate
But that will never alter the fact
You really were a mate.
In truth I didn't really know you
And should have kept in touch more
But when you're lonely that's not what you do
I think you know the score.
Even though you weren't true Dulwich Hamlet
You embraced our Pink and Blue
We'll remember you at one minute to three
Because it's the right thing to do.
In a bizarre way
Even though you're not coming back
The pain I am feeling
Will just keep me on track.
I still believe my life will be over
At a future moment when I choose
But night now I've got things going for me
Even though I've not much to lose.
I'll miss you mate I'm gutted
That right now you chose to die
Hope everyone at the match forgives my indulgence
If I can't hold back and cry.

Dulwich Poet 1st February 2018

(I wrote this after a friend of mine, who I've been mates with for well over thirty years, jumped in front of a train & killed himself)