Where are you now Dr. T.K. Lee?
Do you remember what happened to me?
Was I just another notch
On your dentist chair
I very much doubt you fucking care.
Never thought about it before
Was just a shit thing in life
One of many to cause me strife.
Looking back you were really clever
Make that devious
A slitty eyed cunt.
Smiles and concern a total front.
I hope you’re brown bread
No life after death
I’ll be so happy
If you’ve had your last breath
Don’t want to be the one to
Hunt you down.
Already had the ‘lucky escape’
That was meant to be
When I was fifteen
It was you I went to see
Armed with a kitchen knife
I turned up that day
But by then you had moved away.
Small blessings for not getting
REVENGE.
No use crying over the past
Childhood tears that don’t last
The tears I shed then
Burnt invisible scars
As if on my cheeks
You had stubbed out cigars.
I was threatened by your drill
You promised that my mum you’d kill
Making me scream & shout out loud
So my mum would come to give me a slap
Then you’d have your way up my crack.
Asking her to shut the door on the way out
Then quietly turning the key
So no one would see
You do whatever you may
Made even worse as I knew
I was gay.
Even though I had no hair to sprout
I could only whimper instead of shout.
Resigned to the fact you were
Fucking me against my will
Lying quiet ever so still.
I thought I was being punished
By that man God
As my evil dentist impaled me
On his rod
Only sharing now decades past
Because I told a mate at last.
I hope I didn’t shock him
Wasn’t my aim
But he must see
I wasn’t to blame.
Maybe I shouldn’t let
Dormant thoughts resurface.
But that’s what poetry does for you
Your mind takes twists and turns
Turning the clock back
But also keeping life on track.
Did that dentist make the wrong seem right
Should I have put up more of a fight?
When I was young there were
One or two others too
But they were on MY terms
I knew what to do.
At least then I had a hairy cock and balls
They were all my own calls.
That bastard dentist I fucking HATE
And now it’s all far too late.
Rightly or wrongly
I neglected my teeth
He has been my normality thief.
Not just too scared
To sit in a dentists chair
Can’t even brush my teeth
Life’s so unfair.
Now I’ve no knashers at the front
Rotted filling & lost ones at the back
How would my life be if this hadn’t happened?
Maybe the same is how it would go
The way I live was fate’s dice throw
If one day I learn it wasn’t my fault
Maybe those flashbacks will come to halt..
Then I might find someone who doesn’t give a damn
And maybe love me for who I am.
Dulwich Poet 25th March 2013
(This poem is about when I was not just sexually assaulted, but raped several times, over a period of two to three years, aged about nine to eleven, before & up to when I hit puberty. I have never told anyone this, apart from two friends in the last year, one male, one female. The thing with poetry is that I don’t where it will go, now what I will write; and this is part of the reason I do not put my real name to any of them)
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