"By Royal Appointment"

They always say
The less you know the better.
Should you take that to the letter?
'Poetry Unplugged' on a Tuesday night
When I came as a virgin
I was full of fright.
On arrival there was a friendly soul
Welcoming compere was his role.
Now i'm actually a shy, insecure chap
And as far as I'm concerned
My poetry's crap
But this chap Niall
Puts us all at ease
Though I now suspect
It's a capitalist wheeze.
It's in his interests
To get us to stay
For every time we read
We have to pay.
And he never says
How rubbish we are
Making us feel like a star.
I thought from his ad-libs
His politics were fine
Broadly speaking
The same as mine.
So although I've enjoyed 'Poetry Unplugged'
Why do I feel I've been mugged?
Fortunately I couldn't make it the next night
As you taking a night off just wasn't right.
Were you really at Buckingham Palace
Leaving your poor stand-in
With your poisoned chalice.
Whatever next...an O.B.E?
Or a poetry slot on the BBC?
Oh how establishment can you be?
I'm surprised you've come back
To the Poetry Caff
Mixing with us hoi poloi
And old riff raff.
Who knows maybe
We can kiss and make up soon
But only if you show me
Your nicked Buckingham Palace silver teaspoon!

Dulwich Poet 17th November 2013

(For the last couple of months I've been going to some of the 'Poetry Unplugged' open mic nights, at the Poetry Cafe, on Tuesday evenings. The man who hosts it, a chap called Niall O'Sullivan, won't be there this Tuesday, as he's on the incites for some sort of Poetry celebratory thing at Buckingham Palace. This poem is my attempt at a gentle ribbing for him the next time I have no midweek football to go to, and read a poem or two there.)