"Anywhere But Home"

I must have seemed like an old curmudgeon
As people said 'Happy Birthday'
And also shook my hand...
But if I had my own way
That celebration would be banned.
Don't get me wrong
I don't mean for you
It's just something I don't enjoy
A reminder of forty-nine years of failure
My entire life man and boy.
That's why I go on a break
Anywhere but home
Even though I travel cheaply
It give me a chance to roam.
Every time I take a step forward
It follows there's two steps back
Going away and hiding
Gives me escapism and pleasure I lack.
Just camera, notebook and pen for company
I don't need money in the bank
Loneliness can be coped with
Thanks to an anonymous foreign 
Sex cinema wank!
Riding a tram round a strange town
Going to visit a football ground
They say money can't buy you happiness 
But this only costs a few pound.
Living out of supermarkets
And football food at night
The anticipatory buzz of finding the stadium
Spotting floodlights love at first sight!
I've said many a time I'd be dead by now
If I hadn't given up the drink
Despite it being over thirteen years
It's not as easy as you think.
On Monday night I walked the streets
Of dirty old Amsterdam city
Strolling past untold bars
I could have welled with pity.
Sure, it can get a little lonely
Wandering round on your Jacks
But then I stand back and observe
All those pisshead groups in packs.
My life may not seem normal
But i'm proud that I don't drink
There's many alcoholics, my dad included
Who couldn't pull themselves from the brink.
I don't go way to celebrate my birthday 
Or run away from all that palarva
In truth it's to pat myself on the back
For not ending up in a morgue like my father.

Dulwich Poet 30th October 2015

(This is about me choosing to take a holiday each year when it is my birthday. I am not a 'birthday' person)