"Just A Return To..."

I can't believe I'm so polite
It's because I'm abroad
Cos if this was Blighty
I'd be ranting rest assured!
We're queuing to buy tickets
That's ALL you have to do
Not dither planning your journey
I want to turn the air blue.
I've no idea what you're speaking
Probably double bloody Dutch
The line's building behind me
They don't seem to care much.
Th locals behind seem so British
A few tuts and a mutter
Having to bite my tongue
Wanting to explode and splutter.
Good job I'm not in a rush
I'd be going mental if that was the case
I'd tell her to get a move on
Right in her fucking face!
The long queue to my left
All served and got their trains for sure
I'm still waiting like a lemon
Been here for ten minutes and more!
Finally sh'es finished
I get my ticket and go
Down to information booths on the concourse
I can check my times below.
And would you Adam & Eve it
She's also at that too!
I wait for the other window
I know how long she'll take
Earwigging while I'm waiting
She's English for fuck sake!
Now I'm really fuming 
Gloves about to come off
No beating about the bush
None of that 'excuse me' with a polite cough.
My platform inquiry takes thirty seconds
Then I tap her on the shoulder
Not bothering about the 'audience'
Anger starting to smoulder.

"You've been fucking about for five minutes
After talking bollocks for a quarter of an hour up top..
Why don't you just FUCK OFF
And stop giving us English a bad name
You fucking stupid cow?"

Now I know that wasn't my usual poetry
'Cos it didn't sort of rhyme
But hand on my honest heart
It's what I said at the time.
All those waiting behind me
I could see they understood the lingo
Smiles breaking out on their faces
As if they'd won a line at the bingo.
The old bat seemed a bit shocked
Her colour seemed to drain
Like I was fucking bovvered
Dashing off to make my train.

Dulwich Poet 30th October 2015

(I was stuck in a queue at Amsterdam Centraal station, waiting to buy a ticket. One old lady was taking ages, asking all sorts of questions...when all she had to do was buy a bloody ticket! In the end I had a bit of moan to her face....in my usual 'diplomatic' style.)