"Not For Me"

It's a tough time at Christmas
Facing a dinner times two
Perhaps turn up after the second
But for dessert what to do?
You've managed to avoid double turkey
Thankfully too late
But what else can you do 
When dessert's plonked on the plate?
It's not a gigantic portion
Just a generous slice
But not even touching it
I fear you'll pay the price. 
You'll not upset Mr. Kipling
Or whoever does Tesco home brand
For this culinary masterpiece
Was done by my sister's own hand.
She may say she's not upset
For an argument small beer
Just a spoonful or two would have done
For you to be together next year!
In the future when she dumps you 
What more could you have done to stay?
In truth you'll get your just dessert
For not toying with that play on Christmas Day.
Would it really have hurt
To try that slice of cake
That's how you work a relationship
A bit of give and take.
Even I thought it was tasty
Which was a bit of a surprise
But you not having a single spoon
Almost brought tears to my eyes.
Was it too much to ask for
A homemade piece of cake
The one that your loving partner
Took several hours to make.
When it comes to festive decorum
You were hardly cream of the crop
Would it really have been that awful
To scrape a mouthful off the top?
But that's what you get from east London
Standards are rather low
We really can't expect any better
From the likes of Bethnal Green or Bow.
Our South London family thought it was delicious
Sponge and cream divine
So at least our Christmas wasn't ruined
By an East End boy out of line.

Dulwich Poet 26th December 2016

(My sister's partner, Eddie, came round to my brothers on Christmas Day, he was stuffed, and couldn't eat anything as he'd been round to his family beforehand. He couldn't even manage some of the delicious homemade cake my sister had made. I, being me, ribbed him a lot, and he said I should write a poem about it. I'm not sure if he was joking, if it was a challenge, or both...)