"Boy Racer"

It was a long time ago
I was only a little boy
But one Christmas I got something special
Such short-lived joy.
We were never a normal family
Struggling and poor
I was too young to realise
Our problems behind the door.
Dad was a pisshead
And a gambler to boot
Mum...she just struggled on
Life can hardly have been a hoot.
In truth they both still loved us
Gave us what they could
Tried to make Christmas normal
As any family should.
I don't remember what I was given
But we always had presents under the tree
Just not as much as other families
As far as I could see.
I liked playing with little cars
Old Dinky and jumble sale
One year I got something so special 
My toy collection holy grail.
A much bigger than Matchbox
John Player racing car
I can still feel the glow as I unwrapped it
But it never got very far.
Rushed out with it downstairs
Showing off in front of my block
Five minutes later
I was in tears and shock.
Playing with my little formula One
My first pride and joy
It fell down the drain
Me a heartbroken little boy.
That began the story of my life
Nice things don't happen to me
I screamed in floods of tears
Crying 'save my car!' plea.
The other kids were laughing
While pretending to care
This was the only present I treasured
Losing it was too much to bear.
It should be one to be filed under
That all encompassing 'shit happens' phrase
But the fact I'm writing this forty plus years later
Says so much about life's malaise.
Nowadays I've no expectations
Don't own many material things
Long since grown out of Christmas
And don't believe in Santa bringing things.
I'm happy to treat myself
To a football shirt once or twice a year
Only worrying if extra-large fits me
That's my only fear.

Dulwich Poet 14th April 2018

(When I was a young child I lost a Christmas present when it fell down a drain...)