"Where's The Fire?"

Don't think I haven't noticed those empty chairs
After you've scuttled up the stairs
You get here early enough to be in part one
But choose not to return when your bit's done.
Would you leave the cinema halfway through?
Disappearing after going to the loo?
Pretending to need a quick piss
Have you really something
More important than this?
If it's half-time at football
Would you do the same?
Have you really got
No fucking shame?
Call me old fashioned
But it's damned rude
Only 'Poetry Unplugged' etiquette
Prevents me being
More personal and rude!
If you're leaving at the interval
Can you go on first
So we can heckle, boo
And do our worst.
What makes you so special
To go before we've read
There's some great stuff
Featuring up ahead.
Maybe you just like
The sound of your own voice
Well such snobby ignorance
Is your choice.
Just get up and go now
Before I get the hump
If you've got the bottle
As you'll get a clump!

Dulwich Poet 21st October 2013

(I've been to a few open mic nights called 'Poetry Unplugged', at the Poetry Cafe, in Covent Garden. The compere always moans about people who read and don't stay for the second half. This is for them)