"There's Always One"

You make out you're a decent person
Madame 'Moral High Ground'
But everyone thinks you're bonkers
Bet you a penny for a pound.
It's not just your manners
But lack of fashion sense
Straight off the Oxfam bargain rail
Not even worthy fifty pence.
Talk about giving 'eccentric' a bad name
Please tell me it was just for a dare
I mean have you looked in the mirror
And seen the state of your hair?
There's Patty and Selma
Marge's sisters on the box
Even they're more elegant
Than you in your frocks.
Now I can see the appeal of poetry
It's a magnet for the insecure
But you're way past Barking
Upmister and more!
The first I saw you perform
I thought 'What the fuck is this?'
Hand on heart I'm not lying
I hoped you were taking the piss.
But no, you're anti euro, pro-royalist weirdo
Who's not taking the pee
Leave that to your audience
Who can't take you seriously.
But us poets are a decent bunch
Generally meek and mild
So tell me what gives you the right
To act like a petulant child?
If one more time during my set
I hear your tutting voice
I'm going to tell you to FUCK OFF!
'Cos you given me no choice!

Dulwich Poet 16th July 2014

(I go to a number of Open Mics to perform, and there's one woman who does the rounds, and but in if she hears something she doesn't approve of. I think she is barmy, and she really annoys me. Tonight she was trying to interupt one I was reading, so I scribbled this on the bus home)