"Time To Gloat"

We like to be friends and neighbours
But underneath you're full of hate
Oh you got to feel sorry for Scotland
They had everything on a plate.
But you blew your chance of independence
When you voted 'No' to stay
Now you'll forever be our
Downtrodden part of the U.K.
Last night you could have gone back to dream world
Pretending you're the best
But you couldn't beat our average football team
Hardly the toughest test.
No matter how bad we are
We're not as shit as you
All your pretence of being superior
Went flushing down the Celtic Park loo.
Our overpaid big time Charlies
Overwhelmed the tame Bravehearts in your shirt
You might laugh it off as a friendly
But deep down it must have hurt.
How does it feel to be roundly beaten
By the run-of-the mill Three Lions on our chest
Our least hyped up crop for generations
And still you're second best!
I think by now I've made my point
And I won't rub it in anymore
It just payback time for your digs
Och aye, you know the score.
On the condition next time I go up to Glasgow
I don't have to put up with your anti-English jokes
Cos underneath we're actually all the same
A bunch of half-decent blokes.

Dulwich Poet 19th November 2014

(I wrote this, only partly tongue-in-cheek, the day after England beat Scotland in a friendly match, which had been hyped up as a 'battle' by their old players & the press. All too easy!)