"Going Home"

The train's a bit of a boneshaker
But that's how I like it best
On the so-called Hungarian Inter-City
To Szeged from Budapest.
A relic from the Eighties
Maybe even older
Windows that pull halfway down
Sunny but bracingly colder.
Half an hour until I arrive
Don't know what the day holds for me
Being met my 'mystery' relatives
Just have to wait and see.
My old man left here in Fifty Six
Never to return
Now I'm on my way 'in his place'
It took so long to return.
I've never felt Hungarian
I'm English through and through
But I'm also proudly European
This is something I always wanted to do.
Not sure if it's 'spiritual'
In truth I'm shit scared
A family pilgrimage I need to make
No idea why I've never dared.
Scared of the unknown
I think they'll love me being here
Totally irrational
That I hold so much fear.
Even though I'm from London
Being Hungarian is in my DNA
And that's the genuine reason
Why I got up at six o'clock today.

Dulwich Poet 1st November 2017

(I wrote this on the train from Budapest to Szeged, when I was visiting relatives, who still live in the town where my old man came from)