"Sandwiches"

Being asked to write something

I don't want to sound rude
But it's not like turning a tap on
You have to be in the mood.
As for suggesting something as simple
As the filling of two slices of bread
What on earth is there to say about a sandwich
That's even worth being read?
But then something  simple
As one that's filled with cheese
Will soon send me into 'grumpy mode'
Despite me being easy to please.
Cheese and tomato, cheese and onion
Assorted rolls filled with green
If I wanted to eat lettuce I'd be a rabbit
There's no plain old cheese to be seen.
Vegetables are what my dinner eats
I don't want that crap contaminating my roll
All I want is something plain
That's going to fill a hole.
And even if they sell me a simple sandwich
Will they have normal bread
Some of the crap shops sells today
Really do in my head.
Call me old fashioned....
But it's a doorstep I want on my plate
Or two white slices of Mothers Pride
Anything else I hate.
Wholebread, granary, organic
Don't get me started on ciabatta
I just want an ordinary sandwich
Not some fancy platter!
Give me something normal
Plain and simple I can taste
There's really nothing better
Than good old Shippam's paste.
You can stick your salad and garnish
Give me old fashioned grub
The sort of thing we were happy with
When a pub was still a pub.
Don't get me wrong I like Wetherspoons
It ideal for decent food
When it comes to eating
I'm not really a prude.
But those poncy-posh gastro-pubs
An abomination that should be banned
A blight on our high streets
Up and down the land.
It makes me hanker for the old days
When a cheese or ham sandwich would suffice
Treating yourself To a pickled egg with your pint
If you wanted a bit of spice.
Perhaps it's time to be like Seventies weirdy beardies
And copy the Campaign for Real Ale
Battling for plain and simple sandwiches
Just ones that haven't gone stale.
I'm not stuck in a time warp
Just bring back my simple sarnie 
Get your Pret a Manger  crap out of my face
Unless you want a barney!

Dulwich Poet 30th June 2016

(A mate of mine, who also enjoys writing poetry had his partner ask him to write a poem on 'sandwiches', not sure why shed did, but he told her that he couldn't write poetry just like that, and said it was like asking Michelangelo to paint your portrait...so I wrote this about sandwiches!)

"Hopping"

It's a pleasure to be here
Cos I'm a football lover
But dear oh dear a non-league ground
Without any cover!
It's the day after the big one
Hamburg Cup Final for Reserves
Down comes that drizzly rain
For what a sad git like me deserves.
But I really can't complain
For this is ground six hundred and seventy two
And despite the fact I'm on holiday
I've really got fuck all else to do!

Dulwich Poet 29th June 2016

(It was a Sunday afternoon, on my Hamburg trip. I went to the Holstein Cup final, a Hamburg area cup for Reserve & lower level sides. It was at a neutral venue, a ground I hadn't been to before, so happy to tick it, and watch the match...the game was better than the weather, though the rain did stop during the game!)

"Euro 2016" haiku

Mum's gone to Iceland
Family split like Brexit
That's football for you.

"Ticking Away"

It's an unseasonal summer Sunday
Sat in a sunny Glasgow non-league ground
A very minor womens football game
With hardly any people around.
This is Benburb FC
Who had a proud old ground next door
Now on that plot is houses
That have made their future secure.
No more postponements in the winter
With a new-fangled 3G pitch
Enough to ensure survival
Even though it won't make them rich.
Not a venue to excite the 'hoppers'
Hardly groundhopping porn
But for all involved at Benburb
It heralds a new dawn.
I was lucky to get to their old place
When it was still around
Make that more of a pilgrimage
Rather than just tick a football ground.
For the old Tinto Park
Was almost like a Scottish Champion Hill
Certainly one of my 'football bucket list'
Down my spine it sent a chill.
This new Tinto Park is functional
But it will never be the same
Nice to compare old and new
So I'm still glad I came.
Not sure who is playing....
A Glasgow Rangers womens team are at home
All I know it was listed on the internet
With a 12 o'clock kick off shown.
Fifteen minutes on the clock
And it's already two nil to the Hun
The standard's not great but watchable
This is how I get my holiday fun.
Sat in a no-descript functional stadium
Getting high on my football fix
Mr. 'Anonymous Sad Git'
Hiding in a crowd of twenty six.
It's my penultimate game of the season
With one more tomorrow night
Then there's only about a month to go
Until the first pre-seasons are in sight!

Dulwich Poet 5th June 2016

( On Sunday 5th June, when I was in Glasgow for a few days, I went to Benburb FC, to watch Rangers Development play Westerlands, in the Scottish Womens Football League Division One South. Sitting in the open stand there I sat back and relaxed, and with the enjoyment of ticking another new ground, it took me away from the 'pressures & worries' in my life. At that moment I was really content)

"Home From Home"

Right now I'm full of sadness
At the Adolf-Jager football ground
Not sure if this is my last visit
Soon it won't be around.
A new home will be built
But new stadiums are never the same
Gone will be the ghosts that stood on the terraces past
Altona 93 will continue
But the loss of your spiritual home is vast.
I've seen it at The Hamlet
When we lost the old Champion Hill
The new place was essential
But demolition was a bitter pill.
Tonight I am in Hamburg
Where we played in 1925
Each time I come here it's a pilgrimage
As if Edgar Kail were still alive.
On my travels I've soft spots for many
 Dulwich Hamlet are the ones I love
But Altona 93 runs that close
When push comes to a shove.
If Dulwich is my lifelong partner
Then Altona's my bit on the side for sure
Which is when I have the money
I want to come back for more.
Maybe not at the Adolf-Jager-Kampfbahn
Which has become my second spiritual home
Even if I travel here on my Jacks
I know I'm never alone.
Not sure when I will return
Circumstances are making me poor
But whether it's the new ground or the old one
I will be back for more.

Dulwich Poet 1st June 2016

( I wrote this after watching Altona 93 in their last home game of the season, a play-off game. Altona are due to move stadiums in the next couple of years, and this one was related to the fact this might have been my last ever visit there...I hope it's not though.)