"Spud-u-Like"

I'm in love with you dear potato
That's why you look like a heart
You'd look great on my dinner plate
I never want to be apart.
Boiled rather than plain
Still edible and nice
I'd have a gentle nibble
If you were on a bed of rice.
But you look your sexiest
Covered in green sauce
Double pie, mash & liquer
Perfect as a main course.
I still like you traditional
Sliced up for a main dish
Lashings of salt and vinegar
You can't beat chips with battered fish.
Or slowly baked in the oven
Covered in a cheesy melt
Never mind how fattening it is
You can always buy a new belt.
But you're not always my favourite
If covered in garnish and spice
Then you seem like an arsy spud
Dashing to the bog ain't nice.
But that's enough nastiness
It's time for my lunch
Perhaps you know what I'll have
From this poem you'll have a hunch!

Dulwich Poet 19th November 2016

(A mate posted a picture of a potato on Facebook. His missus thought it looked like a heart. He thought it looked like an arse. I thought it looked like a potato...)