"Clinging On"

Poetry
Or whatever you want
To call my words
Which I jot down
And share
Opening my heart
Laying my emotions bare
But tonight...
I couldn't do it.
Open Mic's my therapy
Wells Way should be my territory
But I'm struggling tonight
Not so much stage fright
Even though I've
Not bothered to write.
I'M SCARED.
Am I allowed to say that
Without feeling too much of a prat?
Emotionally I'm drowning
Struggling to keep calm
Without causing too much alarm.
Not as if it's a shock
To stand up and confess
I'm in a serious crisis
My life in a mess.
Thoughts of suicide
In my head
Weighing up the pros and cons
Of being brown bread.
Five minutes later
I enveloped with hope
Only to be followed with desperation
Failing to cope.
So the reason I gave my poetry a miss
Prepare yourself, how stupid is this...
I'm muddling through
Ready to break down in tears
But I'm a bloke who hides feelings
Not wanting to break down in public
One of my worst fears.
Im sure I'll be alright
Muddling through the week
Otherwise there's no future
Which must sound bleak.
Hopefully 'common sense'
Will ultimately prevail
Prayers answered by 'my god'
The legendary Edgar Kail.
For the dead can't pay
What they haven't got
Only a caring council
And bailiffs will stop the rot.

Dulwich Poet 11th May 2014

( I had a really bad weekend, I've had problems with Council Tax debts, and have been getting threatening letters from bailiffs, which I have ignored...When I wrote this it was a couple of days after a got a letter saying bailiffs would enter my flat. I felt like my world was caving in, and had no future...but I've since spoken to the Citizens Advice Bureau, and hope is at hand that things will sort out. Truth be told I am a little scared of myself when I am in the mood I am in when I wrote this one...)