"Making Up"

How naughty is it of me
To want my train to brake
Enough to cause a sudden jolt
For you to make a mistake.
Concentrating in your little mirror
I'd love eye-liner across your face
Come on love, doing make-up on a train
There is a time and place.
This isn't going to be a sexist rant
I'm not that sort of bloke
There's just some things shouldn't be done
Seriously it's not a joke.
Maybe I should compile a list
Public transport cardinal sins
One of them would be
Not saving rubbish for the bins.
Not so much the 'Metro'
And other assorted freebie rags
And now it's all 'no smoking'
There's no dogends from fags.
It's those stinky boxes of chicken bones
The ones that cause a stink
It might mean nothing to you
But it's more anti-social than you think.
And don't get me fuckin' started
On the rush-hour seat for you bag
I don't care if you've been busy shopping
You're just an ignorant slag!
Now you can call me old-fashioned
But kids should hold mummy's hand
Whatever happened to common decency
With grown adults having to stand.
Next on my hit lists are those passengers
The ones who stand by the door
Then when I shove them to get off...
Lucky I don't knock them to the floor!
It's also a commuting 'no-no'
To engage in a chat
So why when you are on your mobile
Do you act like a total prat?
I don't care who has 'dissed' you
Or owe you money you're mug enough to lend
But all your incessant banal chat
Is driving me round the bend.
Though ometimes it gets so personal
It can be like an earwigging treat
'Private' chat who you're cheating on
For pub gossip it can't be beat.
Broadcasting down the carriage
About all your shagging & drugs
Or blurting out who you've beaten up
As you act like gangster thugs.
To be honest I can't complain when that happens
Whisper it- it makes me smile
Sometimes it can be an after-work bonus when going home
A close up edition of Jeremy Kyle!

Dulwich Poet 13th March 2015

(This began from seeing a woman doing her make-up, on the packed train into work. It sort of rambled on from there!)