"Close"

Through the glass
Day turns to night
Though I feel  safe
I need to fight.
Recurring thoughts in my head
What would it be like to be dead?
Just have to walk
Out of the door
Over the edge
And hit the floor.
Not something I’m going to do
Here and now

But can’t rule out a case
Of when
Or even ever.
Problem is my life’s a mess
No-one knows I’m under stress
I’m getting fed up and counting to ten
So it’s probably a case of
Where and when.
Not helped by the fact
Another birthday’s past
I genuinely don’t know
How long I will last.
Maybe when I reach
The big Five-0
Will that be the time to go?
It’s not that I feel so
Down and depressed
Just feel that from life
I need a rest.
I’ve achieved nothing
And don’t feel I will
Being totally useless
I’ve had my fill.
At this very moment
I don’t want to die
But eating away inside me
Is the fact I want to try.

Dulwich Poet 3^rd November 2013

(Sitting inside from the 5^th floor balcony, overlooking the River Thames at the Royal Festival Hall, I ponder what it would be like to go outside and jump over the edge, even though I have no plan to do that)