"Crazily Normal"

What makes you crazy?
What makes me sane?
A lifetime of assumptions
Wish I could start again.
I've never been sectioned
Not even seen a shrink
So why do I feel so un-normal
Despite what you all think.
A  rhetorical question
Please don't dissect
It's hard enough coping
Without trying to reflect.
You know me at football
But not about my life
Dare you scratch at the surface
Unleash my cesspit of strife?
Inner demons
I don't want to the fore
Scared I'll go 'mental'
Well you know the score.
So I had a 'vulnerable' moment
And let my emotions slip
I sent someone an e-mail
In case my mind went flip.
Unburdened my thoughts
To another fans
Not one that I'm close to
Making him carry the can.
I don't things were connected
When its comes to the crunch
Perhaps I'm trying to justify excuses
For throwing a punch.
I'm Old Skool stubborn
Need to swallow my pride
Even if I feel hard done by
So much shit to hide.
Stick to the pretence of ordinary
Bury my pain
For if it comes to the surface
I'll end up under a train.
Time to say 'sorry'
By offering my palm
Digging deep in my reserves
Simply to stay calm.
The 'real me' popped out of the bottle
Reacting like thunder
Desperate to cork it
Hidden bubbling under.
At the moment I'm held together
By Pink & Blue string
If ever that unravels
I fear what the future will bring.

Dulwich Poet 20th August 2014

(Just over a week ago I sent an email to a fellow Dulwich fan, after a chat at a small party, 'dis-lodged' some deep thoughts about my past in me, as a consequence of us genrally chatting. I needed to share some of my 'dark' past with him, to clear my head. As far as I'm concerned he was just the 'unlucky' person, who I unburdened some stuff to. I feel a bit guilty about this, but there you go. A few days after this, I reacted badly to someone else on the coach back from an away game, and punches were thrown. I have no idea if the two things were related or not...This poem stems from yet another fan gently suggesting that I should apologise to the person on the coach, which I was plannnig to do anyway...)