"Reading Challenged"

Pretending to be nice
Listening to kids describe books
It might sound simple
But it's not as easy as it looks.
The 'Summer Reading Challenge'
Established up and down the land
Honestly if I had my way
This stupid scheme would be banned.
It's not that I hate children
As long as they're not in my way
Having to engage with them
Totally ruins my day.
Telling me a bit of a story
From the book they've read
Genuinely drives me mental
Doing in my head.
I know it gives them pleasure
Telling me their tale
But it's torture for me to suffer
I want to weep and wail.
It's supposed to be a summary
Not 'And then'...'And then'...'And then'...
When I ask how it finishes
They go 'And then'...again!
And all for a bit of cheap shit
A sticker or a piece of card
You'll get better crap at Poundland
It's really not that hard.
Maybe I'm just jealous
'Cos I never had this as a child
But would it have been the thing for me
As a brat I was too wild.
I read, but wasn't like a boffin
As there was always a gas meter to rob
Or just smashing milk bottles for fun
As part of a pre-teenage mob.
The library was for letting off stink bombs
Nothing more, nothing less
And before they kicked you out
Creating havoc and a mess.
Even though I was only playing
I must have been that kid I hate
The one that screams and shouts
Leaving the library in a state.
I'm  blaming Esther Rantzen
For inventing her 'Childline' wheeze
Before that grass-line came along
A clip round the ear was a breeze.
Truth is I never liked children
Even when I was one myself
Time to bring back the 'Child Catcher'
I hope he's still in rude health.

Dulwich Poet 29th July 2016

(Every summer public libraries up and down the country have a 'Summer Reading Challenge' for young children. They have to read six books & tell staff a little about them. It's not a part of my job I enjoy...)