"The Clock's Ticking"

Four becomes three then two...
Soon to be only one
Starting to feel the pressure
So much to be done.
I'm leaving my comfort zone
Make that buried my head in the sand
People think I'm normal
But don't understand.
The way I live is crazy
Despite that outward front
If you knew my reality
You label me a crazy cunt.
Over two decades of hording
A flat full of crap
Paper and books to the ceiling
And you think I'm a normal chap.
Now I've got to downsize
Can only afford a room in a share
Whatever little I can take with me
It's going to feel so bare.
Still not finished sorting
With seven weeks to go
Trying not to think of what I get rid of
Such an emotional blow.
Frightened of a flat-share
My social skills are low
It's not something that I want
But forced to give it a go.
Somehow I need to change my mind-set
Looking forward not back
Give myself confidence
Which is what I lack.
I'll be fifty in October
A thought that leaves me cold
Having achieved nothing with my life
And now I feel really old.
Others think so much more of me
Than I do of myself
To achieve inner happiness
You don't actually need wealth.
I've got my non-league football
Without money in the bank
Never had a real boyfriend
But an expert at having a wank.
I've belatedly grown to love my poetry
Which is also an emotional crutch
Some might say that's a bonus
As my rhymes don't amount to much.
My life's been stuck in a huge rut
A simple statement of fact
Even though it's been forced on me
Now is time to act.
So many things I want to do
Yet so little I achieve
Maybe about to turn fifty
It's about time to believe?

Dulwich Poet 31st July 2016

(In May I was given four months notice to move, from the flat I have lived in for over twenty years. I will have to 'downsize' into a room in a flat-share. I am having to clear & throw out a lot of stuff I've accumulated as a 'hoarder'. The pressure is on...)