"Tesco Fiasco"

I'm standing at the bus stop
Getting myself in a state
All because of 'Tesco Express'
Where the service wasn't great.
The queue was building up a bit
I only had a 'Non-League Paper'
'The Observer' & Pepsi Max
About to turn into a caper.
You might call me a Luddite
I hate self service; you can laugh
They're not there for the customer
It's all about cutting staff.
But I'm in a rush to buy my items
So I break my general rule
I'll do the job at your 'speedy' till
About to look a fool.
Have I brought my own bags?
I touch the machine's right bit
Them I'm told-unexpected
Bag in packing area
I'm trying not to have a fit.
So I lift it up and put it down
Stuff in my six cans of Pepsi Max
Hoping the invisible electronic woman
Will sort out fiction from facts.
Next I scan my reading matter
But the machine begins to bark
Now I'm getting really pissed off
With all this self-service lark.
The lump of metal's gone and locked itself
I'm supposed to wait for staff
Now I'm really swearing
You're 'aving' a fuckin' laugh!
I throw my six pack of Pepsi
Into the empty basket with a bounce
Ignoring the smirking queue behind me
As up Sydenham Road I flounce.

Dulwich Poet 13th July 2014

(I don't usuually use self-service machines in supermarkets...and this poem is the reason why!)