"Empty Basket Case"

Being a single person

Make that the original

Billy-No-Mates

I do love a bargain

Not just ‘pikey corner’

Battling for knockdown this and that

Alongside the granny in her woolly hat.

But a proper half-price

Cut down the middle nice

Not your two for one deal

When you only want a simple meal.

So, Mr. Morrison,

The no nonsense northern grocerman:

I so wanted to become a fan

I saw your advert in the paper

Four tins of baked beans

For one pound forty nine

I wanted some of that to be mine

Similar deal for tomato soup

So it’s off to Peckham

That I troop.

These deals are done not to be kind

Emptying my wallet is in your mind

Special offer tins & good chance

That I’ll put more in my basket

Than I bargained for

Once enticed through your door.

Ker-ching! Mr. Morrison.

Walking along the aisles

Serious shoppers lacking smiles

In and out as quick as poss

Trolley pushers don’t give a toss.

Quickly grabbing what you need

A cheap as you can frenzied feed.

Even I’m sucked in by it all

Picking up apples and tangerines

My ‘halfway alternative’ to horrid greens

Not forgetting a box of eggs

Even though it’s cheaper at Lidl

Thought I’d meet you in the middle.

So far, so good

Time to pay

Look at the queues..

NO WAY!

Twenty deep in EACH row

I’m go to leave and go!

You can price your food  as cheap as you like

But I’m not waiting half the night.

Bollocks to that I’m not so thick

To be reeled in by your advertising trick

If you care about the shopper

Then sort it out

Or become a cropper.

Tonight your plan has backfired

Not enough workers have been hired.

Stop cutting costs & hire some staff

If you want my custom

You’re having a laugh!

Dulwich Poet-22^nd February 2013

(I went to the Morrisons supermarket, in Peckham, taking a detour on the way home, based on the fact they had a big advertising campaign in national papers offering half price baked beans & tomato soup. The shop was so packed, with lots of unstaffed checkouts, that it would have taken me at least half an hour to get served! I left my basket of ‘shopping’ on the floor, in the middle of an aisle & walked out in disgust)