" Method of Madness"

Imagine if you know
How you're going to die
By that...I don't mean
A murderer on Death Row
Who knows he's about to fry.
Nor that moment
When your life flashes past
In that traffic accident moment
When that breath is the last
Of your car crash of a life.
Not even talking terminal
In your cancer ward bed
Crying family around you
Waiting for the will to be read.
I'm on about
My mind swings
That flit to and fro
Just like a rope might
When it's time to go.
Put a noose round my neck
But too scared in case it breaks
A heap on the floor hitting the deck.
Maybe a cocktail of pills
Swallowing drug after drug
But what's toom much or too little
Don't want to survive like a mug.
Possible the tower block option
Leaping from the fifteenth floor
But I can't face that halfway down uncertainty
If I suddenly don't want to be no more.
For that same reason
Have to rule out Beachy Head
In case with rocks approaching
I don't want to be dead.
Jumping off Tower Bridge holds no appeal
Despite all my thoughts and wishes
I'm no Mafiosi villain
So don't want to sleep with the fishes.
And the shame on my family
If it was died in east London
On my papers
They'd prefer in prison
With the nonces and rapers.
All I want is
No pain with the gain
So when I've had enough of my life
I'll let the train take the strain.
One small step off the platform
Shall set up my wake
This suicide lark
Will be a piece of cake.
Rest assured...
There's no need to worry
Right at this moment
I won't face death in a hurry.
Tonight or tomorrow
I don't feel like being dead
So after I've read this
I'm off home to bed.

Dulwich Poet 11th February 2014

(I also wrote this, not knowing what I would write, but I'm trying to jot something down on 'death', as-if football is rained off tomorrow- I shall go to a poetry night called 'Before I Die')