"Luck of the Draw"

Who knows what the future will hold
Don't meant to be heartless or cold
But any one of us...
Could be dead by tomorrow!
And here's me pitying myself
For having a crap ulcer under my big toe.
Granted it does make me feel low
Unable to pull on a shirt and kick a ball
But such sacrifices are really quite small.
I used to hate playing with my limited skill
Now I've no choice it's a bitter pill
Silly old me with my low self-esteem
Should just have run out and had fun with the team.
Now that the opportunity's no longer there
I want to be on the pitch, life's not fair.
But a mate of mine's got problems with his heart,
Talk about giving me a start!
He's worked so hard to get himself fit
Now he gets hit with this shit.
Another bloke I know's waiting on a biopsy test
Just fingers crossed, hoping for the best.
Sort of puts things in perspective
Time to get a little reflective.
Well over half my life already past
None of us know how much longer we'll last
Even though it's not easy
Mustn't dwell on the past
One thing for sure the future won't last.
None of us know what's round the next turn
If there's a place called 'heaven'
Or a 'hell' where we'll burn
Maybe neither, I'm not concerned.
All I want to be is that 'mythical normality'
Rather than frozen in my crap reality.
I'm not sure if it's possible for me
Less judgmental and nicer, just have to see.
If it's nice, a teeny weeny little
My emotional state won't be so brittle.

Dulwich Poet 21st May 2013

(I had my weekly appointment at the Foot Clinic, and jotted this down on the train into work, afterwards)